i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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