My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
