I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
