At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
