Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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