Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
