He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
