I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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