Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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