Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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