somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
