His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The air taste purple.
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