I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
