Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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