you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
