i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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