her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
