next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
True strength comes from lack of pants
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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