The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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