Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
