Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
