it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
