Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
