NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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