im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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