the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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