I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
