Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
MIDGETS
????
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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