Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
