I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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