she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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