and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
