Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
