i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
