You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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