I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
