Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
