Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
