covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
