TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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