If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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