Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Randomize
