he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
