can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
we're so committed to being not committed
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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