...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
