Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
