No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
