if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
