Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
