It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
