Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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