This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
