She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
