Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
